If you receive a text like this from friend, loosely translated it means “I’m severely shitfaced. Please take me home.” File under amateur drinker. #HowToDrinkProperly
     Too much tequila at Uni Night is never a good thing. Especially when you realise you drunk-emailed your lecturer at 3am to explain why you hate their subject.    If you don’t want to fail, maybe pass on the next round of shots. #HowToDrinkProperly
  Apologetic cakes are a nice way to admit to behaving like a drunken dickhead.    But once the damage has been done, cake doesn’t always remove the bad taste from people’s mouths. Water does though.    Ensure your drinking is less chug-a-licious next time and your mate’s house won’t be decorated with nasty chunks of your pasta bake.   Stay classy friends. #HowToDrinkProperly
  If your friend's text messages read like they're texting with their elbows, they're probably fuckeyed and struggling to use their thumbs.    Find them, replace their phone with water and grab a cab. Good on you for being a classy mate. #HowToDrinkProperly
  There is a four day weekend in front of you, which is why polishing off a few bottled of wine tonight will not put you in good stead for the next three days.    Remember legends, pace yourself and you'll be on the path to class. #HowToDrinkProperly
  Is what you said at the start of the night. Keep cool on the gin and juice front and you are less likely to text that person saved under 'dickhead royale' tonight. #HowToDrinkProperly
  If you think this third cask makes you better looking, think again before you drink again. #HowToDrinkProperly
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